Not having a car has some challenges in modern-day United States suburbia. Not many cities outside New England are very pedestrian-friendly or have adequate mass transit. It has been interesting and inspiring to see how creative God is in getting our needs met without a car of our own. I can't drive anyone's car in my family due to not being on their insurance, and no one really has the money to add me to their policy, so I don't even borrow a car. I've been 100% dependent on someone else to get to school, clinical rotations, the grocery store, or social and church activities. Let me tell you, this made for an interesting perspective on Thursday, my 30th birthday.
I haven't been this dependent on another person since I was 15. Where a lack of a personal vehicle has hit me the hardest is not being able to go and visit with people that need a friendly face and some encouragement. There are 5 people that I have not been able to visit and it really bugs me. I also have had difficulties getting to church, and the ripple effect of that is vulnerable hearts and minds to Satan's attacks on our joy. What I have learned though, is that God doesn't change His mind. He gave me a spiritual gift with my powers of speaking and encouraging others. Just because I don't have a car doesn't mean I'm silenced. Just because I can't fly doesn't mean I can't sing.
I have learned so much about accepting the soil the Lord planted you in as what is BEST for you at the moment - despite whatever expectations you might have for yourself of what is "best" for you. If it was best for me to have a vehicle right now, by golly I would have one. God's BEST for me right now is to be dependent on Him and learn how to encourage others without using not having a car as an excuse to not doing anything.
This experience has made me examine myself further and deeper as well. What else have I used as an excuse? My mistakes? My sins? My guilt? My fears? What other barriers have I placed in my own way of being obedient to the Lord's call? Have there been other ways in which I have put myself far outside God's will because I have forgotten I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17 ) and allowed the world's definitions of "useful" distort God's? God uses broken vessels all the time. Why? Because we are humble and dependent upon Him when we feel completely inadequate to the task He has laid before us. Otherwise, we'd prance around proud as peacocks proclaiming our own works instead of His.
This mini-mester was difficult. I was uncomfortable in the clinical environment because I felt like I had to imprison the disciple of Christ that I am and conform to something I'm not. I initially did not find my fellow students enjoyable to work with, and the rest of class made me feel excluded and unwanted. I had to pray everyday (sometimes several times an hour) for God's eyes for the current situation, and for something, ANYTHING, to keep me encouraged and motivated to learn. Only by His grace and mercy am I able to report that I have not just jumped over the hurdle that felled me this spring, but I've done it with flying colors: I made an A on the final exam, and received an A for the final grade in mental health nursing. I made some new friends after it was all said and done, and while it feels surreal still that I am officially moving past the second semester courses, I give all the praise and glory for this achievement to my Jesus. There isn't a moment that I wasn't in some way leaning completely on Him and it was His strength working through me that I was able to do all I needed to do to meet the demands of my classes and still have something worthwhile left over to give to my husband and son.
Our God is mighty to save! He is indescribably amazing in His power to help you overcome whatever mountain you are having to climb, valley you are having to crawl through, or storm you are having to weather. I can't tell you how freeing it has been to let go of my pride and fear and say time and time again, "Okay, Jesus. My family and friends are gonna think I'm nuts, and I'm scared to death but I'm facing that fear and squishing my pride and asking you to help me with _____." It has been freeing because all it took was one time for me to "let go and let God" and see Him do something powerful and impossible by human standards for me to keep turning to my Heavenly Father in faith. Each time I do let go and turn to Him, my faith gets stronger and stronger and waivers less and less like a ship on the sea being tossed about by waves of doubt ( James 1:6 ). My experiences give me boldness to pray and humbly proclaim His greatness, and also peace in my heart that somehow God will provide. My faith in Jesus is all that is necessary.
So, I sing. I sing with joy. I sing because I am free. I sing because my Jesus doesn't have material prerequisites of this world for me to serve Him. All He requires is my faith. I sing because I am dearly loved. I sing with love. Yes. Oh, yes. Even without a car, I sing.
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